I’d love to think of an idea that would change the world. I want my life to be significant. Which is ironic, as I’m a dabbler. I dabble in writing, I dabble in music, I dabble in sport. I'm an engineer. I'm a Christian. I guess the last two are more than mere dabblings. They both define different aspects of my character. I think it's fair to say that engineering gives me a chance to be significant. And being a Christian takes it away again - and then somehow puts it back.

It's one of the things that I really struggle with: that desire to be significant. To write something that is big. To play music that will rock the world. To run like nobody's ever run before. But who am I to judge whether I am a good writer/musician/sportsman. Everything is by comparison. Am I such a good writer that people will read me, such a good musician that people will listen or an athlete that people would watch? And dammit, I know the answer to that.

As for engineering... I'm not the most practical person. It was ironic that I failed my theoretical learners test and passed my practical provisional licence test. Hugely ironic, I though. Admittedly, everytime I'd study for the test, I'd read half the book and fall asleep... I digress... I'm an engineer. Not the greatest one, but good enough to be paid a respectable wage for the work that I do; good enough to receive generous scholarship to study and research. That's what I do. And people value my work. That gets the tick of success. Valued in the world. A bit more than dabbling, I think it's fair to say.

It's always hardest to write about being a Christian. Is it even necessary? I try to live it. But aren't I being irrational? An irrational faith. I'm forced to wonder about this more and more, the longer I don't have my hands over my ears and my eyes tightly shut. Without those wonderful filters I am forced to admit that in many instances I just don't have a deep enough knowledge of the subjects being discussed - even as a person of reasonable intelligence who has had various theorems and hypotheses explained and re-explained. My mind is sieve-like on some of these things, so covering all of my openings might somehow stop this information from spilling out... but no, I'm running wild and free, willing to listen, attempting to understand and for the moment willing to side with the mocked - whether that be a Christian taunted by an all-knowing scientist, or with the scientist enduring the taunts of an all-knowing Christian.

So my final question, am I such a Christian that people will change?