It's not ordinary Jelly

I had a really funny story from my vac work that I really shouldn't share, but it was too priceless not to.

We have these mills made of 16mm steel plate. They're about 30-odd years old and they have steel ball bearings rattling around inside to crush aluminium powder into flake. The mills take a helluva beating, so I was given the task of doing a survey of wall thicknesses.

The boss comes into my office and says, "I want you to learn how to use this bit of equipment to find the various wall thicknesses".

It was an ultrasound machine with an instruction manual dating back to 1989. Absolutely beautiful little machine. So I plug in all the leads and probes (ok, so there were only two wires to plug in, but I'm not a sparkie) and begin reading the manual.

Of course, to take any readings, one requires a couplant to apply to what ever it is that you are gauging and the probe.

The boss says, "It's KY Jelly that you need. Definitely KY Jelly, you know, the stuff that they use for pregnancy ultrasounds."
I nod and ask my supervisor if he's seen some. So we go to the maintenance guys - slightly rougher sort of guys. "The vac student needs some KY Jelly. You guys got any?" I am, of course, standing there innocently, thinking this stuff is just for use with ultrasounds.

Sure enough, the boys have finished with the last lot. So, it is decided that I need to go on my first expedition into George Town to the pharmacy. By this stage, I was getting a fair idea that it wasn't just for ultrasounds that they use this stuff for.

So I ask our receptionist, "Can I have some car keys and some petty cash?"
She looks suspiciously at me, "And what do you want them for?"
"KY Jelly."

So I get the petty cash but the keys to the company Magna have just gone out the door. I can't find the other guy whose car I would take otherwise. So I take the manager's Turbocharged Subaru Forester with leather seats (it was actually a manual!) and too many other gizmos on my first drive in a company car (about ten minutes down the road).

The first place I get to and the lady, very properly shows me some hygiene products and we decide that they didn't have what I was after. So I wander down to the next pharmacy.

"Do you have any KY Jelly?"
The lady behind the counter looks very prim and proper, "Right this way". She directs me to the condoms, to the gels - strawberry flavoured, plain...

I say to the lady, "It's actually for an industrial application".
She heaves a big sigh, "Well, this is what you'll want then," and passes me a tube of plain KY Jelly.

I get back to the office safe and sound and it all becomes abundantly clear when I read on the label: "Ideal for use with condoms".

For the record, those mills that started out at 16mm, in some parts I measured to be as thin as 8.5mm.